I've finished all my uni exams as of this moment. (well, for this year anyway.) I drove through the city yesterday. What a frustrating operation that is. When it takes 10 minutes to get 100 meters, road rage makes sense. The lights are the most frustrating thing, because they seemed to always be red as i reached them. Grr. Last week i had to drive through the city and it took me half an hour to get through the centre. Were talking a 5 minute drive with little traffic. 10 minutes at one intersection, because there was no turn arrow. Just makes you mad. Me mad. I'm not used to waiting that long, being a country girl and all.
I'm moving out this weekend and going home. What a relief. To be home will be mixed emotions, great to be back, and great to be amongst family, but my house isn't the tidiest place in the world. Source of eternal frustration that it can't be organised a little better. Its always been this way. I have to try and train myself in keeping tidy.
Looking foward now to a trip to queensland with my family. our first queensland holiday. going to most of the theme parks, but not wet and wild cause my sister is alergic to chlorine. But there is plenty of room at the beach, and no cues to wait in line for. My sister is coming down on friday afternoon, and we'll go shopping for new bathers which will be great. I have been talking about little else for a few weeks. Its all good at the moment...hope it stays that way for a while.

My home sickness has gone somewhat. It was so good to go home finally, you know how when you are a little depressed and then just a string of little things make it worse, and then finally you start interpretating things in the worst way. It was all making me a little crazy. This guy at work, he is the worst i swear...he is so damn important. He doesn't shower i swear. He is trying to make me stay in melbourne to work over christmas, when all i want to do is go home for a while. I was going to cry with frustration that he doesn't understand.

I am bloody homesick. Two weeks to go till exams are over, and the list of things to get done it a mile long, and i am sure I have forgotten something. The amount of work for the exams soon, (ahhhhh) is very very (ahhhh) big. Almost too big. Sigh. I just want to go home. I am sick of working, and sick of studying, but the playing is good. I played in brass class today, and it felt good to play. I feel confident. So that's what practice is for. I think though, that everyone in the class has inferiority problems, that they think everyone is so much better than them, and what if I got up to play and nothing came out? That's how I felt when i watched people play, I wanted to pick up my own instrument just to make sure that I can still make it work.
I rang the austrian consulate, and they suggested that I go talk to Aldi, and see if they can organise for me to get Mark overseas. Its a long shot, but at least its a chance. The last three weeks has been shit, waiting for the exams to just be over, what happens if I have to go overseas without him, by myself, and try and manage in a foreign country with foreign concepts and try to survive. I could do it, and even if he can't come, I will do it...but if i don't have to then i would be grateful to just know that he would be with me in it. Like I plan to have him with me in everything. Maybe permanently someday soon...

Do you ever have those days when people will just talk to you? Yesterday was one of those days when I just have strangers asking me a few questions and then they start telling me their life story and they just talk and talk about anything. And usually I just listen. Maybe that's it, they just want someone to talk to. Maybe they just see that I'm the kind of person who will let them talk. Its weird that some days i just get everyone asking directions and all sorts of things. Random strangers.

The sun is finally coming out! yay! University is getting harder, the assignments and lists of things to complete keep getting longer, but I am spurred on by the fact that this year will be over soon, and I will have finished the first year with honours! I have been in the library a bit lately with this assignment that has taken me a while to understand. Though it looked harder than the second choice on Mozart's Figaro, it looks like I will be at no loss for words and it should be easy to finish. I have to go compose something now, and I hope for the classes sake it dosn't sound too anal.
Thanks bec for calling me and meeting up with me, it is good to see you every time I am with you. I almost forget sometimes how easy it is to be with you. like, I am familiar with you, and I can be myself.
I am going to be in some kind of research thing. It was advertised as a pitch test, to see what parts of the brain are activated when pitching notes. But what I get out of it is a free brain scan at the Austin hospital. And $60. But the money isn't it, its always good to see if you have a brain, and if it works. Hope it's fun.

Well after coming back from a holiday feeling like I had too much to do, I am feeling like i have my shit together. It feels good. I got come marks back from assignments and I did really well, like 85%. The weather has been hot, but today it is cold and windy. I hate being cold. Going home this weekend to see my grandparents who have been away since may, (ha, that rhymes...hehe). Mark and his parents are coming out too. The weird bit, (or only slightly) is they all went and organised it without me. Granted I am a fair way away from it all, but hey. Nah, I like that idea, if i am serious about keeping this boy.
What is hard about a long distance relationship? I was talking to someone about him being so far away, and they said it was boring, and then when I said that I wanted to take him overseas with me, they said that was boring too, like i'm too young to be with just one guy and not happy unless i am sleeping around. Which is stupid. I couldn't be happier. Love is a grand thing.

Back to school after a two week break. The last few weeks has been a great holiday, i enjoyed being at home, and loved to see mark more than just every other weekend. I love how I fit in with my family. Things in shepp never change, but they do. The scenery changes but every time i drive through the man street there are a few new shops, or something has closed down or moved. The new Empire trading store is the best shop!
I didn't do much work though. The familiar panic returns, that I havent been studying hard enough and suddenly I only have a few weeks to make good and pass. A lot more rides on it now that I want to go overseas, that I need to pass with 70 or better, and that will only happen if i do something.
And talking about going overseas, it just keeps getting harder, not for me but for mark. I don't know if he will be able to come with me to Austria afterall, if they are going to be so hard on letting people into the counrty. From what I have read on the web lately, they have all said the same thing, you need lists and lists of papers, and qualifications. It is quite depressing to think that something that had me so excited might not be possible afterall. But then I don't HAVE to go to Austria...

I get lonely. Last night I played at a concert at the town hall. I rang my boyfriend and talked to him, I was so depressed I cried. I just want to go home. I am homesick. I hate it.

There are 8 weeks left. Or not even 8 weeks. I have more things to organise right now than I have had in the entire year. Yet I feel suprisingly in control. I am going home for the next two weeks, to see Mark and my family. Where people actually care about me. I have had enough of my house. I have been asked to move out, again, this time for real, no going back. Its just that we are two different people. That and I don't think she really likes me. Good thing I had already decided, or I would have been offended. Ha.
At least I am making friends now. I still get lonely, but Anette has been great. I have waited for other people to call me, but they are too busy for me now - have too many other friends. When those people arent around, then they will want to talk to me and see how i am and what I have been doing. it makes me sad, because i miss you, and you're not there for me any more. I though we would keep in touch. I go past where you live every day...i tried.no doubt i'll forget about it when i am home, and things will turn out to be the same as they always were. I wouldn't like to grow away from you though.


I'm going to try to go to Austria. The idea of it is really exciting. The chance to live one of my long long dreams is actually possible. Not just something to wonder about and something that happens to other people. it doesn't seem real, like not something that should be possible for a country girl like me. I have no concept of what it would feel like to BE in another country. I can go for a year if i want. A whole year! And the best bit is i get to take mark with me. I think maybe 6 months would be long enough. But then again the opportunity is there, are the mid semester break would be the chance to travel. once i make it to Austria it is a short trip to get to another country.

Its nearly september, but I can't really fathom how it came to be so. Time really flies, and now I hav nearly finished a year at uni already. The work this semester is not much harder, just a little more of it and some different techniques concepts to work out in my head. Like 7th chords. They really suck.
Things with mark in shepp have worked out wonderfully. We hate being apart, I hate being apart. I count the days down silently till he will come and see me again. He keeps talking about a suprise he has for me. Well now i have a suprise for him too. so there. I walked past a lingerie shop today and saw something in the window I instantly liked. A pink frilly little nightie that I had to go try on and then buy. When I go back to look at things I know that I should really get it.